Guide Secret of Healing Jealousy

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We ought to remember by what name Christ calls His people, by what title He names His flock. He calls them sheep, that Christian innocence may be equated with sheep; He calls them lambs, so that their simplicity of mind may imitate the simple nature of lambs. Why does the wolf lie hidden under sheeps' clothing; why does he who falsely calls himself a Christian dishonor the flock of Christ?

What else is the putting on of the name of Christ and not going over the way of Christ than a prevarication of the divine name, than the abandonment of the way of salvation? Since He himself teaches and says that he comes unto life who has kept the commandments, and he is wise who has heard and done His words, that He also is called the greatest teacher in the kingdom of heaven who has so taught and done, then that will profit the preacher which has been well and usefully preached, if that which is uttered from the mouth is fulfilled by the deeds that follow.

But what did the Lord urge more upon His disciples, what among His salutary counsels and heavenly precepts should be guarded and kept more than that with the same love with which He himself loved the disciples, we should also love each other? How, moreover, does he keep either the peace or the love of the Lord, who, because of the intervention of jealousy, can neither be peaceful nor loving?

So also the Apostle Paul, when he was bringing out merits of peace and love, and when he was strongly asserting that neither almsgivings nor also the passion itself of a confessor and martyr would avail him, unless he had kept the requirements whole and inviolate, added, and said: 'Charity is magnanimous, charity is kind, charity is not jealous,' that is, teaching and showing that he can maintain charity, whoever is magnanimous and kind and free from jealousy and envy.

Likewise in another place, when he was advising that a man who has already become full of the Holy Spirit, and a son of God by heavenly birth, should follow nothing but spiritual and divine things, he lays it down and says: 'And I indeed, brethren, could not have spoken to you as to spiritual men, but as to carnal, as to little ones in Christ. I fed you with milk, not with solid food. For you were not yet ready for it.

Nor are you now ready for it, for you are still carnal. For since there are jealousy and strife and dissensions among you, are you not carnal, and are you not walking according to man? Dearest brethren, vices and carnal sins must be crushed, and the infestuous plague of the earthly body must be trampled upon with spiritual vigor, lest, when we again are turned back to the conversation of the old man, we become entangled in deadly snares, as the Apostle providently and beneficially forewarns.

He says: 'Therefore, brethren, let us live not according to the flesh, for if you live according to the flesh, you shall begin to die; but if by the spirit you put to death the deeds of the flesh, you shall live. For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are the sons of God. Mind the things that are above, not the things that are of the earth. For you have died and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ, your life, shall appear, then you too shall appear with Him in glory.

As was that one from earth, so are those who are from earth; and as is the heavenly, so are also the heavenly.


Just as we have borne the likeness of him who is of the earth, so let us bear the likeness of him who is of heaven. For this is to have changed what you had been, and to begin to be what you were not, so that the divine birth shine in you, so that the divine discipline may respond to God the Father, so that, in the honor and praise of living, God may shine in man, as He Himself exhorts and advises, and as He promises to those who glorify Him a reward in their turn.

He says: 'Those who glorify me, I shall glorify, and him who despises me shall be despised. What a palm of justice it is, what a crown for you to be such that God does not say about you: 'I have brought up children, and exalted them, but they have despised me. The mind, dearest brethren, must be strengthened by these meditations: it must be confirmed against all the darts of the devil by exercises of this kind. Let divine reading be in the hands; let thoughts of the Lord be in the senses; let prayer never cease at all; let saving labor persevere. Let us all be occupied by spiritual actions, so that, as often as the enemy approaches, as often as he tries to come near, he may find the heart closed and armed against him.

For the crown of the Christian man is not the one which is received at the time of persecution. Peace also has its crown, by which we are crowned as the victor of many a varied combat, after the adversary has been laid low and subdued. To have overcome lust is the palm of continence.

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To have resisted wrath and injury is the crown of patience. Triumph over avarice is to spurn money. Praise of faith is to endure the adversities of the world by faith in the future. And he who is not proud in prosperity obtains the glory of humility. And he who is inclined to the mercifulness of befriending the poor gains the retribution of a heavenly treasure.

What Jealousy and Envy Reveal About Your Needs

And he knows not how to be jealous and, being of one mind and kind, loves his brethren, is honored with the reward of love and peace. We run daily in this contest of virtues; we arrive at these palms and crowns of justice without interruption of time. That you also may be able to arrive at these crowns, you who had been possessed by jealousy and zeal, abandon all that malice with which you were formerly held, and reform yourself to the way of eternal life with the footsteps of salvation. Tear out of your heart the thorns and the thistles, that the Lord's seed may enrich you with a fertile fruit, that the divine and spiritual crop may burst forth into the plenty of a rich harvest.

Expel the venom of gall; cast out the virus of discords; let the mind which the jealousy of the serpent had infected be cleansed; let all the bitterness which had settled within be softened by the sweetness of Christ. From the sacrament of the cross you receive both food and drink; let the wood, which availed at Mara in a figure for sweetening the taste, avail you in truth for soothing the softened breast, and you will not labor for the remedy for increasing the health.

Cure yourself at the source from which you had been wounded. Love those whom you hated before; esteem those whom you envied with unjust disparagements.

The Antidote to Jealousy is Kindness

Imitate the good, if you can follow them; if you cannot follow them, surely rejoice with them and congratulate your betters. Make yourself a sharer with them in a united love; make yourself an associate in a fellowship of charity and in a bond of brotherhood. Your debts will be forgiven you, when you yourself shall forgive; your sacrifices will be accepted, when you shall come to God as a peace-maker. Your thoughts and actions will be directed by God, when you ponder the things that are divine and just, as it is written: 'Let the heart of man ponder just things, so that his steps may be directed by God.

Moreover, you have many things to ponder. Ponder paradise, where Cain, who destroyed his brother through jealousy, does not return. Ponder the kingdom of heaven to which the Lord admits only those of one heart and mind. Ponder the fact that only those can be called the sons of God who are peace-makers, who, united by divine birth and law, correspond to the likeness of God the Father and Christ.

Strip away the judgments, shame, and any other negative self-talk. What if we explored the feeling a bit deeper, and looked at it square in the eye? When did I begin to feel jealous? What was said or how did they say it that catapulted the emotion? What is this jealous feeling calling attention to?

They have what I want. Sit with that. Why do you want what they have? Are you not good enough? Pretty enough? Rich enough? Bold enough?

Brave enough? Smart enough? For me? I believed I was stupid. I was dumb. I was never going to be bright enough to go to graduate school to get my masters. They served me their shortcomings on a platter, and I ate it all up. I believed them, and it was my truth for 30 years.

Advice From a Polyamory Coach on Dealing With Jealousy

I deprived myself of a graduate degree for years because of it. So naturally, when I saw my friends and peers going to graduate school to pursue their degrees and dreams, I was envious.

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I wanted what they had. That feeling of jealousy and envy in your gut? I needed to pursue my purpose of healing others, and that meant believing in myself enough to apply and go to graduate school.

Jealousy and Envy

There is no source. What does that bag symbolize for you? Did you grow up never having enough? Was there not enough food?